Let's talk about waxing. Oh, come on! Don't be a wimp. I once was a wax free virgin, but have since surrendered my hair and underlying epidermis to the philosophy of "Beauty is Pain." This experience, I feel, has brought me either closer to God or religion. All I know is I kept thinking, "Oh Lord!" and wanting to scream "Son of Moses!!"

Ahem. Let us begin. First, IT HURTS!! Second, don't lie about being uncomfortable. I thought I was totally cool till the asthetician patted my hands to relax me (and this was only my eye brows!!). Third, take more than 800 mg. of Motrin before you go.

I will just caveat all of this with the fact that I have had two children naturally, and the last one without benefit of ANYTHING. I am no stranger to pain. I live with three guys. Need I prove myself? Thus, I go for a little girl treat. Get the eyebrows waxed and the toes done.

I am relaxed. I had the toes done. BLISS! It feels so good. The eyebrows will be NOTHING! I'm lying back on a warm reclining chair when Tamika wipes off my face with the most wonderful smelling tea tree stuff. I could sit and sniff it all day. Then she covers my eyes (I'm assuming to keep the light out). I feel the warm wax being smeared between my eyebrows. Very relaxing. She pats a little paper cloth on there then, SNAP!

Well, there goes the feeling of relaxation. That stung a little. However, the rest should be fine. I feel the warm goo spread above my eye brows, the familiar patting, then RIIIP! Ouch! That's starting to hurt! She presses down on the skin to stop the stinging and it stops and stays that way as long as she keeps her fingers there. Am I bleeding?

This is the time she asks if I am alright. I assure her that everything is fine, when she pats my hands and tells me to breath. I didn't realize I wasn't breathing! Thank God! Warm stuff once again under the eye brow-pat-RIIIIIP! Holy Mary! If I knew the rosary, I would start reciting me and I'm sure God would smile on me for the effort.

I don't want the other eye done. Can't I go around like this? I mean, different is good, right? RIGHT?! However, I'm sure if I go home with one eye done and one eye not, I'm sure I will hate myself for paying for two brows and only getting one. Not smart shopping.

I place my hands on the arm rests and grip. Goop-pat-RIIIP! I'm sure they now have several DNA samples. I thank Tamika and tip her (TIP SOMEONE FOR TRYING TO RIP MY FLESH OFF OF MY EYES!!), and take my wounded self home.

Heck, tweezers are free!